There is always a shadow if a light is shined

“Character is like a tree, and reputation is like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”

— Abraham Lincoln

Attributes are commonly accepted as positive, and flaws as negative. As individuals and leaders, we look to increase the former and eliminate the latter whenever possible, whether we are considering personal development or developing team members. But the rub here is that attributes can become flaws if we overplay them.

Let me explain through an experience I had last week. We are seeking strategic support for marketing at the moment, so we have been actively searching for individuals with experience in this area who bring an interesting approach. I encountered one such person, and after a couple of qualifying calls with one of his assistants, I progressed through their onboarding to an acceptance call with the main person.

The main person was a very confident 25-year-old who believes he has a unique approach that would work for coaches willing to put in the effort (and obviously make a financial investment). He led the call with great confidence, and I was impressed by his knowledge, presence, and approach. However, towards the end of the call, when he was urging me to commit, all his previous positive traits suddenly appeared as flaws from my perspective.

• His confidence became arrogance—he knew best, and no one else had ever requested to see an agreement before signing up.

• His beliefs became constraints – this is the only way we work, and you must fit our system.

• His approach became non-negotiable – you must pay a deposit now, otherwise we can’t work together.

I came off the call slightly battered and discombobulated because a potential partner had shown their true colours (their shadow) when a light (my questions and reservations) was shined on them.

That reminded me that we, as individuals and particularly as leaders, must be careful not to allow our attributes to morph into flaws, particularly in stressful situations or when our leadership is being tested.

Here is our take on how you can approach this key personal development challenge.

Reframe: Accept that your
view is not the only view.

The world is always as we perceive it, and other people can have different perceptions simultaneously. Accepting that our view is just that – a view, not necessarily the way things are or the way others see them is the first part of the reframe process.

You have different knowledge, experiences, and beliefs from others, so we can either learn what others think and what they believe to be true or get frustrated because they don’t instantly see or understand what we perceive to be true.

Your leadership will never be perfect, so accepting that is a prerequisite to leadership growth. The best leaders are right more than they are wrong, but they still get things wrong at times.

With this frame in place, you can then start to see people offering different views as a gift rather than a challenge. The gift is a different perspective to consider, and it might enable you to develop as a human and/or as a leader.

Rethink: Are my attributes metamorphosing into flaws?

As a leader, your attributes and your flaws will be visible to those you lead, that comes with the role, so you have to be conscious of being too (insert a leadership attribute) at any one time, as that is the catalyst for an attribute to become a flaw.

A confident leader is to be admired, but too much confidence without considering the view of others or explaining your why well enough can come across as arrogance.

Having empathy for others is generally seen as a leadership attribute, but too much empathy and consideration can lead to indecisive leadership and procrastination.

Delegating to and empowering others is generally accepted as a positive way to develop leadership skills within your team, but doing so too often and without providing sufficient support and coaching can be perceived as over-reliance and a lack of accountability.

So, when recently did you think one of your attributes might have been overplayed, with the benefit of hindsight?

If you were to do some self-analysis and shine a light on your own leadership, what shadow would appear?

Refocus: Ask for guidance

Like multiple leadership challenges, one way to overcome these potential obstacles is through greater transparency. In this case, the transparency you need is asking your team to let you know when you are overplaying your attributes.

Inform them that you recognise your potential to be too (insert an attribute) in certain situations or when feeling under pressure, and that you would appreciate their insights when this occurs from their perspective.

Leading in your own self-imposed isolation chamber is a challenge and doesn’t enhance leadership awareness. Leading with vulnerability and ensuring transparency within your leadership team and the broader organisation is not only less challenging but also allows you to develop your leadership in a positive way.

If you don’t shine a light on your leadership, you don’t eliminate the shadow; it simply means the shadow is not visible to you. And if it is not visible, you can’t appreciate its impact or size!